


Liverpool FC and the Prank Filled, Exciting, Very Good Week in Marbella

by hopeinyourheart



Series: Marbella Magic [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Banter, Cute, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, LFC, Liverpool F.C., M/M, Spain, Team Bonding, Team as Family, also can joel get a break, and overly cheeky, and the lads having fun and being young, bigkid!hendo, breakage of the rules, dad!klopp, marbella, sassking!emre, scaredpups!dom and joe, spiritanimal!joel, this is all completely innoncent and meant to be funny, this is just family feelings, this is just family!lfc, which i hopefully achieved, with mom!buvac
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-03-21 19:33:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13747779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeinyourheart/pseuds/hopeinyourheart
Summary: This is just fun in the sun in Marbella,. Includes a stolen water float, blackmail, snoring Simon, sneaking out, frustrated Hendo, cheekylilshits Emre and Loris, I absolutely do not care Jurgen Klopp, and exploitation of innocence, also betsIn which Joel Matip doesn’t want to die and wishes to be James Bond, and Zeljko Buvac deserves way more credit for putting up with this much crap.





	Liverpool FC and the Prank Filled, Exciting, Very Good Week in Marbella

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Joe because he's my actual muse and my inspo for alot of this. i hope you like it xx

Its two in the morning when there's loud almost furious knock on the door. Joel looks over at the other bed where Loris is sleeping, sending a prayer to the heavens for strength and peace. This better be a matter of life and death because Joel isn't going to be pleased if his sleep was disturbed for any less. Stumbling out of bed, he answers the door to Hendo who's hand is hanging in mid-air, ready to knock the door down. He looks wide awake but his hair is flat against his head and he's in his pyjamas so Joel is somewhat reassured he hasn’t completely lost his mind. 

"What's going on?" He asks groggily. Behind Hendo he sees Milner and Dejan walking down the hallway and then Emre and Ox walking out of their room. "Is there a fire?" He asks. He hadn't heard any alarms and Joel is sure that if something was blaring through his room he would have heard it, mostly because he refuses to die because he was too stubborn to wake up in the face of a fire. He wasn’t going to say it’s a fear but he thinks he's prepared to jump out of a window if need be. Loris, on the other hand, Joel thinks he would sleep through the apocalypse, lord help him. 

"What? No," Hendo says.

"Then why am I awake? Why are you knocking the door down? If no one's died I would like to go to back to bed."Joel sighs, "Please don’t tell me someone's had a crazy idea and now we all have to adventure through the Spanish woods for knowledge and culture. Was this Alberto's idea." Joel wouldn’t put anything past him. These lads were always doing the weirdest things in the name of 'team bonding'. Joel thinks they're all mad as he tags along silently. 

"What no........., why do you think.......?" Well Hendo didn’t have shoes on so that was a positive. Joel would have to take his word for it, "We're having a meeting," Hendo supplies, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels. 

"Why now, its two in the morning, do you not own a watch, I can buy you one? He provides. If this meeting wasn’t about saving a potential life, Joel couldn’t give a crap. He would also accept how to safely escape a fire 101 or how to jump out of a building in the face of danger without breaking a leg. He will not stand for any less. Maybe it was about how to slap a team mate without repercussions when they woke you up at some unholy hour in the morning; he would gladly sit through that. 

"Because....because....everyone is here, and its _important_  Joel," he strains important like this is the last thing he's ever going to say. He sounds constipated. If Joel wasn’t annoyed he would laugh. "Wake Loris up and meet us in the dinner hall," he says and walks away. 

Joel sighs. Loris is still asleep and Joel feels jealous that he can sleep through anything. Maybe he would trade fighting through the apocalypse for sleeping through it instead, this time he pities himself. "Loris wake up," he says shaking the other man. Loris doesn’t even grunt. "Loris," he tries again, nearly shoving him off the bed. 

"Wha....fuc......"Loris grunts, sleep tired. 

"Meeting, dinner hall, now." Joel says looking for some slippers. Hendo might be bat shit crazy but Joel wants to keep the last bit of sanity he has left. There's plenty of things he wants to achieve in life, crazy would just get in the way. 

"Time s'it?" Loris asks, sitting up and looking at him through half shut eyes. 

"2:10," Joel tells him. 

"What meeting?" Loris asks, yawning.

"Don’t ask me, Hendo has lost it and now we all have to witness it. I don’t why he couldn’t have lost his shit during the day, like normal people. Come on, I need this to be over." He says walking out the door. Loris follows him without any shoes either.  _Why am I here_ _,_  Joel thinks. 

The dinner hall is full of all their teammates and the shred of hope that his would just be a prank and he could just go back to bed leaves his body. Now that would have been a true miracle, instead all the lads are sat at one table, some slouched over the it, others wide awake and laughing, _laughing,_  Joel wants to hit something. Joel pulls a chair out and the sound of it scraping against the floor makes his head ache and his ears hurt but he slouches down heavily and puts his head on his arms resting on the table. It's comfy. Hendo's meeting can take a dive off a cliff for all Joel cares. His beauty sleep was getting disturbed, and bad sleep led to bad skin and an unhealthy lifestyle. Joel didn’t approve of this one bit. 

That’s until he hears 'raise your hand if any of your stuff has been stolen'. He lifts his head from the table and sees Loris sitting in Emre's lap across from him because apparently pulling out his own chair would have been too tiresome and not being near Emre was a sin on its own for Loris. He literally had his face buried in Emre's neck when he lifts his hand. Joel likes that they gave zero fucks about everything. He also lifts his own hand because his iPad had been missing for over a day now and he would like it back. None of the hotel staff and the boss himself had done much about it but it looked like the entire team had something missing. It was odd, was a there a thief in this hotel. 

Joel thinks he could karate kick someone if they tried to steal from him but then he remembers the time someone snatched his ipad and Joel only managed to very lightly kick him in the shin, which was embarrassing seeing as he was a footballer, and he could have at least done some damage. Either way Joel would fight, he owned a lot of frying pans, maybe he could take someone down with that. He zones back to a furious Hendo who claims he is done with this and something else about filing a complaint because he can't find his highly expensive shorts that he spent a lot of money on. Joel is still wondering why they need to talk about this in the middle of the night and not tomorrow when people were awake and actually cared. 

"Ok but this could have waited till the morning," he grumbles at Hendo who is waving his arms very theatrically. Across from him Loris snickers and Emre laughs into Loris' hair trying to hide it. Joel narrows his eyes at them.

"Because..... I don’t know it's _important_ Joel," he says, straining the important again. 

"Your shorts could have waited though," Gini says through a smile. Joel doesn’t understand how anyone can smile in the middle of the middle. The night was meant for sleeping and dreaming. Not smiling. Certainly not for meetings. 

"It isn't about the shorts," Hendo sighs dramatically, throwing his arm into the air. Joel hasn’t even seen him like this on the pitch if he's being honest. He was very passionate about those shorts.

"Did Adam buy you those shorts?" Simon asks dryly making everyone crack up.

Hendo splutters, "This isn't......that's not.......the point. Guys," he says, "ever since we've been here someone has complained about their things going missing, and I had you all knocking at my door, when I could have been doing other things-" 

"Sex," Alberto coughs behind his hands making everyone laugh again. 

"Mature, Alberto, mature," he says, "but I still answered the door and listened though, didn’t I, while you cried about the picture of your dog going missing. I mean who carries a framed picture of their dog around with them. Do you even have one of your daughter?"

"Don’t talk about Ali like that. She's my life," Alberto says with sad eyes. Roberto rubs his shoulder and shoots Hendo daggers. 

"You have a daughter Alberto!" Hendo yells. 

"Ok let's all calm down," James steps in, forever the cool-headed person. Joel is glad for him because he is sure half this team wouldn’t survive without him and Joel is certain his own sanity would have diminished sooner. 

Joel's thinks of an escape plan. Crawling under all the chairs towards the door would work but escaping from under this table would be hard. He's pretty sure someone would notice and ask him what the hell he was doing in a tone that indicated that Joel's escape plan was far worse than a meeting at 2 am. He doesn’t want to deal with people thinking he was the crazy one. He could make a run for it. The sound of running sounding disgusting at this time of night so throws that one out of the proverbial window too. Maybe he could just straight up diva walk past Hendo and the entire table. He could be cool. That thought makes him snicker. In the end he hears Milner saying, "Own up now or this is going to the boss."

Loris and Emre are still trying to hide smiles behind yawns and their hands. Joel shakes his head, "We know it was one of you, so own up now, " Hendo says trying to sound stern and captain like, instead he sounds a little whiny and his voice drops off at the end. 

"What you think someone here stole our stuff?" Joel asks. He hasn’t been listening. He's been planning a James Bond-esque escape route. Though roof jumping wasn’t his thing. He's going to stick to football. 

"Yeah, we do," Hendo says frustrated. Adam offers him a seat and when he sits down Hendo puts his head into his hands. He really didn’t like stress, Joel observes. either that or those shorts held significant value.

Joel narrows his eyes at Emre and Loris again. "Was it you two?" he asks. This wouldn’t be the first time they got up to something cheeky together. 

"No" Emre says almost seriously. "My hair wax stolen."

"I don’t believe that," Dejan says, "how have you been doing your hair then?"

"I used Loris' gel."

"Bullshit," Dejan supplies. "Also you're rooming with Ox, can't you use his gel? Why do you need to go all the way go Loris' room and use his?" Joel can't confirm or deny this theory because he makes sure he isn't in the room when Emre comes over. It's too much for Joel's eyes. 

"I don't like Oxo's gel," Emre says.

"What's wrong w my gel?" Ox asks blearily and somewhat offended.

 _Were they being serious._  Joel couldnt care less which gel Emre is using. He wants to be horizontal on a mattress eyes preferably closed.

"Listen if no one owns up we're going on a search party," Milner says butting in on the nonsense argument.

"That’s all well and good but can I go back to bed?" Joel asks. He wanted his iPad back, he really did, but his _skin,_  his _routine,_  his  _beauty_ _sleep_ _._  His iPad could rot for all he cared right now. 

"Nope, everyone is staying here until we find the stuff," Hendo demands. He doesn’t sound stern or captain at all. It was cute he was trying though.  

Milner is ready is walk through the door and single-handedly search the entire hotel and Joel doesn’t doubt that he would he do it in under and hour and find all their things. He was James Milner, Joel is certain he would continue playing with a severed head and leg. If he wanted to do something, he damn well would. 

That’s how they end playing never have I ever in a hotel dining room in Marbella at three in the morning. It’s a mess. Joel is pretty sure they aren't playing right and no one knows the rules. Its also pointless without alcohol and half the fun but it passes the time. Joel is considering booking a ticket back to England, if he leaves now he will return for the morning and he can sleep all day. It's at that point that Milner walks back with Kloppo, Buvač and a huge cardboard box of stolen things. 

"Hendo you're crazy, and the next time you think about holding a meeting at 2 in the morning remember all the extra laps you have to run in the morning," everyone groans. "Adam if you want to buy expensive shorts I don’t care but keep them protected so my captain isn't crying about them at two in the morning. Alberto, I don’t care how precious you think Ali is, you have a daughter son, maybe frame her picture also. Joel keep you priced possessions locked away carefully, we don’t have time to compensate for stolen goods. Roberto the next time you want to buy fingerless gloves for a 1000 euro, maybe take a little care hmmm." Jurgen Klopp was absolutely done as he stood at the head of the table. Joel was pretty certain he was ready to bang some heads together. 

The lads all dive into the box taking out things that had been stolen from them. Pleasure coating their features for all of one second before the tiredness took over again, "Oh and Loris and Emre the next time you want to steal others things, as a prank I will see to it that that hair wax is banned from melwood forever." That’s the last thing he says before he walks out. The little shits aren't even remorseful as they burst out laughing. 

Joel knew it was them. He kicks Emre in the shin. The rest of the lads shoot them daggers and promises of getting them back in the morning, Joel is pretty sure everyone would miss a target if it was right in front of them at this minute.

Buvač sighs at them all, which makes the lads actually look up at him, it even gets Loris and Emre to stop laughing, everyone loved Željko, "You two, my office in the morning before breakfast" he tells Loris and Emre, "The rest of you, bed, now," they scamper off faster than lightening. Someone passes Joel his iPad as he slugs out the room. 

Joel has witnessed a lot but he has to say that this was the craziest of them all. He shoves his iPad into the desk drawer. Loris slouches against the door jamb and for a minute Joel wonders if he's actually too tired to walk into the room and sleep in the bed. That’s until Emre comes into view and they make out in the doorway. Joel sighs, he doesn’t know why he ever thought that Marbella would be an actual training camp with real team bonding. He was a fool. "Hurry up," he says to Loris as he shoves his head into the pillow hearing muffled, 'I love you's', and more kissing as he buries his head in the sheets.

*

 Željkos office is just the desk at the end of his hotel room but it'll do for now. At least that’s what he thinks until Emre and Loris walk in and sprawl over the couch with their feet up on the coffee table like they aren't hear because of the shit they pulled. 

Željko sighed. He's dealt with a lot but Emre and Loris' pranks were something else. "Feet off the coffee table," he demands as he walks round it and stands in front of them, arms crossed over his chest, looking at them sternly. Loris has the decency to at least sit up straight. Emre looks at him and smiles cheekily. Željko understands why Jurgen has a soft spot for the kid, beyond his relentlessness on the pitch and very short temper. But they aren't here to understand why Jurgen Klopp will act like Emre Can was his actual son, the two of these idiots wreaked havoc and now everyone is late to training and breakfast alike.

"What did I tell you about the pranks last time?" He asks them. 

"Can't remember," Emre says through a grin, the same time Loris says, "Not to do them". 

Emre shoots daggers at Loris. Seems like they didn’t talk this one through. 

"Exactly not to do them," Željko says ignoring Emre's comment. "So why was there a cardboard box of stolen goods in an abandoned closet?" he felt like he was coaching five-year olds.

"It was Emre's idea," Loris giggles. That makes Emre poke him in the ribs, which leads to them scuffling on his couch. Emre yelps when Loris tickles him and manages to get him a headlock. Željko rubs his temples. He thought he saw it all when Hendo and Adam were young and dumb but this was an entirely different level.

"I didn’t ask whose idea it was!" Željko raises his voice making them both stop and collapse against the back of the couch, giddy and breathless, "It was childish and wrong and it needs to stop-"

"It's fun," Emre says in that lazy drawl of his. Željko knows that’s how he gets away with everything. But dammit the kid was precious and he was giving Željko a hard time trying to punish them.

"If you want to behave like children, I'll treat you like children, you're both on clean-up duty and no recreation time."

"But...," Emre starts.

"No, and you can apologise to Jurgen and the team," he tells them.

Emre laughs, "Kloppo won't care, he's cool." Željko shakes his head. Jurgen favoured this one and now he was having hard time being the so the called strict parent. Apparently Jurgen was the cool dad and Željko was the strict mum according to Alberto.

"I don’t care how cool he is you still need to apologise for being idiots. The pranks need to stop, we've been here before Emre. How did you even pull this off?" he asks. He doesn’t know why he wants to know but the insight will help him for the next time. 

Emre smirks. Loris says "We might have paid some of the staff to give us a key to a closet they don’t use." Loris was remorseful in all the ways Emre wasn’t. They balanced each other out. Željko knows it was both their ideas and they'd planned it out together. He also knows that Loris would give the kid anything he damn pleased regardless of the consequences which makes the remorsefulness a little pointless seeing as he would do it again and cover for Emre if need be.

"And they did?" Željko now also had to talk to staff members about not giving members of his team keys to anything, ever. Especially immature ones.

"Yeah and none of the staff said anything about the missing things because we told them it was joke. And it's so easy to steal from this team, everyone leaves their doors open. Or they leave their keys out. Either way it was easy and it all worked out." He sounds very proud. 

"It was fucking genius," Emre exclaims, pride on his face, smiling brightly. 

He sighs again. They weren't even rooming together and they'd managed to cause this much havoc. "No more paying hotel staff to be part of your pranks, no more stealing things and no more funny business. Bed at 11 like everyone else. Understood?" 

They both nod their heads. "Ok good now get to breakfast. Its extra laps in training." 

"The meeting was Hendo's fault. he should be the one running more," Emre huffs.

"Do you want to test me Emre?" Željko asks. Before he can respond, Loris pulls him out the room and down towards the dinner hall. It was a wise idea. Željko wasn’t ever truly mad at any of them, he had a soft spot for all of them but he also understood they were a professional football team and sometimes he had to intervene when they forgot how old they were. 

Now that he'd dealt with Loris and Emre, he had to see Dom and Joe about sneaking out of the hotel. They weren't as subtle as they thought they were. In fact none of them were. Željko saw them when they creeped across the hallways into different rooms and when they weren't in bed at the right times. He definitely knew when they were lying. They all thought if it was kept from Jurgen they were safe but they all seemed to forget that he was the man covering for them. 

He shakes his head and makes his way down to the dinner hall but not before seeing Dejan handing Ox some money. He really doesn’t want to know. If it doesn’t involve drugs or the exchange of sex he thinks he can let this one pass. Besides if anyone was to blame when it came to betting it was Jurgen. Željko had seen him set up a bet on when Loris and Emre would get together which he won. The smug look on his face as he collected money from his team was something he could never forget. Željko could never understand how he was the boss of 22 men when half the time he acted like a child himself. 

He'd also seen Jurgen bet on when Hendo would propose, and indeed he was right again and had witnessed him putting money on Studge winning the dance off against Roberto. So yes, Željko was the only responsible adult round here, making Jurgen the cool one. In the elevator he catches joe and Dom making out and when they notice him their cheeks get redder than the jerseys they wear. It was going to be a long day. "My office after the training session," he tells them. 

Both their faces drop. Željko smirks and prays the coffee is extra strong today.

*

"Yo Emre where do you get the floatie," Hendo asks from where he's lounging by the pool. Joel is next to him trying to read while the sun beats down on his face.  After last night the only thing he pleads for is a little bit of peace. 

They had to run extra laps in training which made Joel want to kick more people in the shin. Joel looks over at Emre, curiously and indeed he has a water float which he's 'hiding' behind his back. Loris is behind him trying to look innocent and failing. Joel honestly questions if their brain cells have run away because the water float is bigger than the two of them and Emre's back is doing nothing to cover it. The thing was huge. Joel can't believe they really went out and got themselves a double water float. But then again, he could. On the crazy scale it probably reached a four. 

"What?" Emre asks feigning confusion.

"The water float....?" Hendo asks again, sitting up against the deck chair. 

"There's nothing........," they both stutter before they run in through the hotel doors faster than Joel had ever witnessed. He does not want to know. The less he knows, the less involved he is. The less he has to deal with Željko who is just as done as he is. Joel gives him credit.

*

Inside the hotel, Loris and Emre are running up the side stairs of the building and down the corridor towards Emre's room. "We can put it in here," Emre says through catching his breath.

"Won't Ox see it?" Loris asks.

"I'll put it under the bed," Emre says. 

"We should put in my room," Loris responds, "Joel won't care. He doesn’t care about anything but sleeping on time and his eye creams. He has about ten Emre. He's obsessed." 

"Ok yeah but will you able to get it out?" 

"Yeah, it'll be easy, like I said Joel will be asleep because he's mister follower of the rules. And even if he does wake up, he won't care." Loris tells him, walking down the hall towards his and Joel's room. 

They stash the water float under the bed and while Loris does that Emre spots his wax hidden in one of Loris' trainers. "I knew you took it"" Emre yells. 

Loris looks at him from the floor and cries with laughter. He laughs so hard his eyes water. "Stop laughing Loris, my hair was in jeopardy. Your gel is terrible." Emre sounds pained.

Loris can't stop laughing enough to respond and the look on Emre's face makes it even funnier. "Loris!" he yells again. Loris gets off the floor, still laughing. He'd totally forgotten about it but Emre's reaction was a blessing. He leans on Emre trying to stop but he can't and Emre threatens to kill him. Loris runs out of the room, all the way down the hall and the stairs and out through the back door towards the pool with Emre on his heels.

He turns around at the edge of the pool and the next minute he has a face full of water and he's floating. He comes back up and he sees Emre looking down at him from the edge of pool, smug smile on his face. Loris narrows his eyes at him but the next second Emre is flying over the edge and into the water too, a smug Dejan looking at them over the egde. "I'm going to fucking kill you Dejan," Emre warns. 

Dejan somersaults into the pool himself and soon the entire team has dived in. Sadio dunks Robertos head under the water and Alberto makes sure to splash water on Milner's face everytime he gets too dad like. Virgil pulls Joel into the water while Mo gets on Virgil's shoulders. Virgil starts dancing with Mo on his shoulders and soon there's a competition of who can stay on another's shoulders for the longest. Gini and Simon win that one. 

*

The meeting with Dom and Joe makes, Željkos day even worse. They are nothing like Loris and Emre. In fact they are the complete opposite. They are quiet and shy and actually care about getting in trouble. Željko has a feeling they didn’t sneak out of the hotel on their own doing. When they sit on the couch, their backs are straighter than a ruler, no slouching or feet on the coffee table. 

They were good kids but Željko doesn’t doubt that the team would break them soon. "I know you sneaked out of the hotel yesterday," he tells them. 

They both look paler than ghosts. "That.....we..."

"Don’t lie to me," he tells them. "I know everything that goes on in this team _. Everything_ _,"_  he accentuates. 

They both look at each other like lost puppies, innocence written all over their faces. What Željko would give to have the others behave a little like this. 

"I just want to know the truth. You know the rules, you know you aren't to leave, so why did you? The team can provide you with anything you need so what were you doing?" He asks them lightly. Joe starts wringing his hands and biting his lips. 

Dom looks at joe and then straight at Željko. "We went to buy a water float," Dom tells him. And wow Željko was not expecting that. If anything he would have thought that they went for a sneaky beer, or down to the beach or something. They were young, rules had crushing weight on young people but buying a water float? Now that’s something he didn’t expect. 

"A water float?" he asks bewildered. 

"Yeah," Dom says while Joe nods his vigorously. Željko feels for his neck and the physio that has to massage It out. 

"Show me it then. How do I know you aren't lying?"

They look at each other again, "we don’t have it," Joe says quietly. 

"This isn't making sense," he says exasperated. "You sneak out under strict rules and supervision to buy a water float that you now don’t have. What is going on? Who put you up to this?" he asks. 

When they glance at each other and then at the floor, his suspicions are confirmed. Both of them were too innocent to pull off something like this. "You aren't in trouble just tell me."

"Loris and Emre," Dom mutters under his breath.

Željko runs a hand through his hair. _Of course_ , he should have known. Who else could it be. 

"And why did you do it?" he asks. The terror returns. 

"They knew we were sneaking out of our rooms to see each other and they said they wouldn’t tell if we snuck out and got them a water float." Joe tells him shyly, cheeks going red as he kept his gaze on the ground.

Željko is going to kill them. Sighing he says, "You aren't allowed to listen to either one of them ever again, understood. I frankly don’t care where you sleep as long as you aren't late to training. This doesn’t reach Jurgen ever," he says. "I'm pretty sure someone would have spotted if you brought a water float in here," he adds in confusion.

"We hid it in a shed and they said they'd collect it," Dom says.

He doesn’t understand when they hired professional secret agents but apparently, they did. 

"Ok boys, you aren't in trouble but if you sneak out again you will be." Both of them scurry out like skittish mice. Željko really doesn’t want to have another meeting with Emre and Loris. He was tired enough for one day.

Meanwhile, when Dom and joe get down the hall, Dom takes Joe's hand and kisses his knuckles before they walk to the rec room and play a game of pool. They both vow never to get caught up in this team mess ever again.

*

Joel never in his life thought that the words, 'is there a water float under your bed or anywhere in this room,' would leave Željkos mouth. Him, getting with a Bond girl would have been more likely. Hell, him being James Bond was higher on the list than this. He remembers his genius plan from last night. But Željko is here standing at the door to his hotel room, wearing shoes unlike Hendo, during the day time, unlike Hendo asking him something absurd, like Hendo. 

Joel would question him, ask him why, but he really, _really_  doesn’t want to get involved. He didn’t ask at the pool in fear of having to deal with Željko and now said man was standing at the door. Joel wonders if the universe will ever let him win. So instead, he's sitting on the floor and searching under his bed and then Loris' and there is indeed, a water float. Joel curses the day Jurgen pulled the names out of a hat and he got Loris. There was nothing particularly wrong with the kid but his tendency to get up to shit with Emre was tiresome.

Joel was an old soul. He preferred peace and reading and occasional fun with the addition of laughing. Stealing water floats and stashing them under beds for some reason unknown to him wasn’t on his list of his of things to do. In fact, that well and truly fit the 'I've lost my sanity, I've gone insane list.' It was already way too long. 

Sighing, he gets off the floor and walks back to Željko, who's standing there with stern features, "There's no water float in here," he says. When Joel says he doesn’t want to get involved, he means it. Telling Željko will lead to another meeting and Joel just wants sleep. Sue him. 

Željko scratches his head. "Keep an eye on Loris," he says before he walks away. Joel did not sign up to be a personal baby sitter but here he is with a hidden water float under his bed. Joel prays that next time he gets a roommate like Mo or Sadio, someone sane who didn’t involve Joel in their craziness. Shaking his head, he decides he's hungry and leaves the room which is another bad decision in a line of many when it came to this team. 

Hendo and Adam are in their shorts and shirtless, with socks on as they skid down the marble floor of the hallway, laughing at the top of their voices. Joel would expect this from Alberto or Bobby or anyone but the captain. But here they are, running at full pace and gliding down the hall in their socks. Joel wishes he had seen it all. 

But god is he wrong because in the dining hall, Milner, Andy and Ingsy are betting on how many syrup covered pancakes which are topped with marshmallows and chocolate chips and sprinkles they can down without being sick while Ben and Trent keep count.  _Don’t corrupt the kids_  Joel begs silently. He thinks he should save them before something tragic happens but then his stomach growls and he's reminded why he came down here to witness this madness anyway. Sometimes in life, an innocent life had to be sacrificed for the greater good. In this case it was two lives and the greater good was Joel's stomach.

He would try and save Ben and Trent another time. Maybe. Infact, he would talk to the boss about it. See about getting them some guardians who weren't Milner or Hendo and Adam. Joel would offer but he thinks he deserves a break after having to room with Loris Karius. Maybe Simon would be good for them. Joel has time to think about it as he makes his way out to the pool. Emre is putting sunscreen on Loris which looks a little too excessive but hey they're being quiet so Joel doesn’t care if it's borderline sexual. But he does hear the words, "Don’t want your pasty ass to burn because then I have to hear you whining about it," which gets him a slap around this ear, which ends with them falling back against the deck chair and kissing.

Joel revels in the one time they aren't causing havoc and sits on a deck chair far from them, eating his food. Clyney is also out there watching something on his iPad. "Do you want some?" Joel offers to Nathainel, who snatches a piece of fruit off his plate and smiles at him. Nathaniel is cool and calm and not crazy and Joel wonders how he hasn’t been corrupted by the madness yet. Dom and Joe are messing in the pool with a beach ball but its relaxed and quiet and after the madness, Joel is glad for it. 

*

Later that night Joel hears rustling and movement and the squeaking of plastic. It annoys him enough to wake him up and what he sees has him praying he never woke up. He wants to sleep through the night and pretend this a dream because Loris is pulling the water float out from under the bed. He has shoes and shorts on and he's making his way towards the door at 12 am. 

He was breaking so many rules. 

Joel just doesn’t want to know.

*

Loris makes his way down to the pool where Emre is sitting on a deck chair. He's dressed only in shorts and his trainers are kicked off by the chair. There's no one around. Loris walks over to him and puts his arms around his neck from behind which makes Emre tilt his head up and the smile he shoots at Loris makes his breath leave his body. 

Loris leans down and pecks him on the lips before he comes around and climbs onto Emre's lap. Emre's hair is product free and his skin is warm. He smells musky from the aftershave they both share and his skin feels warm under Loris' fingers. Emre slides his fingers into his hair and tugs him down towards his lips and Loris moans into his mouth. Loris loved this kid. Enough to pull stupid pranks with him. Enough to blackmail two of their teammates into getting them a water float because Emre had a genius idea. Enough to sneak out of his room and meet him here when they could get into serious trouble. Loris slides a hand into Emre's hair and the other over his torso and smiles against his lips before Emre jumps up and throws the water float onto the water.

"Come on," he says. Loris sits on the end of the chair, watching as Emre climbs onto the stupid green thing. That thing was pretty big. Its ugly and Loris doesn’t know why they need it but Emre looked hilarious trying to get onto it. And dammit they went through a lot to get this thing into the hotel so Loris is going to get on it too, no matter it takes. It's easier when Emre is on it though. He pulls Loris up and practically on top of him. Emre giggles against him and Loris thinks about diamond encrusted rings and venues in Germany. 

Loris leans back on the squeaky plastic and looks at the clear sky, stares at the stars and the constellations. Emre shifts and leans against his shoulder, placing a hand on his chest. Loris has a chain around his neck that Emre fiddles with and Loris plays with Emre's hair. Loris hated not rooming Emre. He's pretty sure the hat is rigged so that they can't room together. He knows its all a ploy. But right now under the stars and Emre he doesn’t give a crap. 

"Why did you want one of these?" he asks, still gazing at the stars. 

"Dunno," Emre says messing with the pendant. "Missed you." He mumbles against Loris' chest. Loris isn't going to point out how they could have star gazed on the deck chairs. This was cute.

"Wow you’re a secret romantic Emre Can," he says, squeezing Emre's side and pulling him closer.

"Fuck off, am not," he says, flinging a leg over Loris and pinning his arms to the water float.

"You are," Loris insists. "I want something like this for my birthday," he declares. "I want to witness more of romance god Emre Can," he laughs up at him.

"Shut up," Emre says pinning him down. 

"Nope," Loris says the same time Emre kisses him, hot and heavy and way too much. Loris pulls away and leans their foreheads together, smiling at Emre "I guess you're alright," Loris whispers right against his lips.

"I guess you're alright too," Emre whispers back, eyes full, before he pecks Loris on the lips again.

"We should head back," Loris says. Emre groans his dissent but they get off the water float and head towards the edge.

In the hallway Emre walks straight past his own room and heads with Loris into his and Joel's. Its 1am. Loris isn't going to tell him this is a bad idea. Besides they were enough shit already. What was another thing added to the list. Loris tosses him a dry pair of shorts before they climb into bed where Emre shoves his head into Loris' neck and his feet between Loris' thighs and puts his hands on Loris' chest. Loris puts his own arms around Emre, brushes a kiss at the top of his temple and falls asleep easily with a lightness in his chest. 

*

Hendo ends up pacing the length of the hotel room. Simon is snoring so loud Hendo thinks the building might fall down. Even his ear plugs didn’t do enough to block the sound out so now he's pacing. At one am. While the floor shakes with the force of Simon's snores. If Simon causes an earthquake and Hendo dies, he's going to be really mad. Especially because he hasn’t had much fun with Adam, minus sliding down the hall in socks, and the shorts and the shower. To conserve water they'd said, which wasn’t very effective, seeing as they spent over an hour in there. 

Hendo smirks, so ok maybe he'd had too much fun with Adam, but they weren't together right now and Hendo was mad about that. Damn Kloppo and his magical hat of roommates. This wasn’t life or death or a champions league draw. Jurgen got way too excited over it. Hendo shakes his head and walks over to the window, pulling the curtains back and staring out over the pool. 

There's no one around which is justifiable for the middle of the night. Hendo leans his arms on the ledge and looks down. He spots a water float in the pool. Hmmm he thinks. He smirks and walks out the door, heading to Adam's room. Adam's rooming with Mo and Hendo knows he won't ask questions, besides he's captain. Either they respect him too much or they don’t give a crap. Hendo wants to believe it’s the first one but its probably the second. Emre very clearly told him that no one gave a shit what he did or if he screwed Adam as long it has nothing to do with them or football. Emre was forever explicit and saying it how it was. The kid got away with murder. 

Adam answers the door groggily. Hendo can see Mo passed out, sleeping peacefully and for a second, he's jealous, but then he remembers why he's here, "Simon's snoring for England or Spain, both I think, so I can't sleep." He tells Adam who's squinting at him through droopy eyes. 

"Come on then,," Adam yawns, moving aside so Hendo can enter the room.

"No, come here," Hendo says, dragging Adam out the room.

"Hendo wha.......," he mumbles, "I don’t have shoes on.......where are we........are we running away? That could be romantic." He looks a little dreamy when Hendo looks back at him. "Why are we at the pool?" Adam asks sounding disappointed and confused. 

Hendo grins at him, "There's a water float, look." 

"So, what........? Hendo what we are doing?" 

"Remember when I told you about Emre sneaking one in, I think this is it," Hendo says through a huge grin.

"We are not sitting on a used water float," Adam huffs. "And if you had other ideas you can forget about them." He's sitting on the deck chair and running a hand through his hair. Hendo sighs. "We could have just slept. It's like 3 am why are we here?"

"Its 1 am and I don’t know," Hendo says. He's stood up and Adam squints up at him before Hendo turns around and jumps into the pool. 

"Hendo no....what are you doing?" Adam asks frustrated. 

"Come on Adz, it's fun," Hendo laughs, wiping the water out of his face. Adam sighs and slides down the edge of pool too but he doesn’t swim towards Hendo. "Hi" Hendo whispers against his lips when he swims over to him, "Hi," Adam says before they slot their lips together.

That’s how they end up making out in the middle of the night under the stars with a floating water float in their vicinity. Hendo pulls it closer and climbs onto it, pulling Adam up onto it two. "I swear to god if the two of them pulled any shit on this I'm going to kill you," Adam threatens. Hendo laughs at him.

"You know they didn’t. They aren't like us," he says winking at Adam as he splashes his feet in the water. They don’t lie back but they sit side by side sloshing the water with their feet over the edge. Adam slots his fingers between Hendo's and the smile at each other. "We should head back," Adam yawns leaning against Hendo's shoulder. Hendo hums in agreement before they make their way back inside, Hendo following him into his room because dammit he couldn't deal with snoring Simon. 

*

In the morning Joel groans against the sunlight beaming in through the thin blinds. The time reads 9:15: forty-five minutes till breakfast. Not too bad. He stretches against the pillows before searching for his phone and replying to a few texts. He gets out of bed but before he heads to the shower, he looks over at Loris' bed. Of-course, he thinks. 

Joel shrugs and makes his way over. So, he wasn’t dreaming last night. He still doesn’t want to know what they did. "Loris," he says shaking the other man. Joel is certain he would have been late to breakfast if it wasn’t for him. He refused to set an alarm. How the two of them ever made it to Melwood on time was beyond Joel. "Loris," he says again, "Emre," they don’t budge. "Željko's at the door, he wants to talk to you both for sneaking out of the room last night."

The nearly fall out of the bed at the pace they move. Joel snickers.  _What_ _,_ _he could have his fun too_ _._  The look on Emre face is enough to make up for everything. The sheer panic is a beauty. Joel bursts out laughing while Loris looks at the door reconsidering his entire life. It’s a beautiful picture. If Joel had enough time to study the arts, he would frame this and write a dissertation on it. He laughs even harder as he makes his way to the shower, "Joel that wasn’t cool man what the fuck," Emre says breathlessly.

"Learn the rules then," he says, sass walking to the bathroom in triumph. 

"I think I died," Emre says with a hand on his chest, trying to slow his heart beat down. Loris giggles at him, "Yeah me too. Wait how are you going to get back without anyone noticing?" Loris sits up against the head bourd and stretches his arms. Emre flings his head back down against the pillows and runs a hand over his face.

"Dunno," Emre shrugs. "Ox knows I'm here anyway and I don’t give a shit about his threats anymore to be honest." Emre agreed to publicly admit Ox was the best and he let the fucker nutmeg him in public training when he caught Loris and Emre snuggling in bed one night. The cheeky shit thought it was funny and Emre wanted to tell him get lost and stick his threats where the sun didn’t shine but then Loris fell asleep in his arms, against his chest and Emre couldn’t give a fuck what Ox wanted because it didn’t top this. Emre always slept better with Loris so he let Ox have his fun, besides he couldn't exactly complain about the blackmail when he did it himself. 

He was past caring though now. He was going to shower with his boyfriend and it was going to be fun. Even if they do get teased at breakfast. 

*

"WHY IS THERE A WATER FLOAT IN THE POOL!!" Željko screams when he walks into the dinner hall. Great, Joel thinks, just great. The assholes couldn’t even be bothered enough to clean up their mess. It's like they didn’t even care about getting caught and being trouble. The two of them are fucking  _giggling_  where they're sat opposite of Joel. 

Joel wants to learn how to karate kick or something because kicking people in the shin isn't effective enough and he is really displeased right now. He just wants breakfast. In peace. But god forbid. All the lads are snickering and snorting and Željko is getting angry. Joel has only ever seen him mad in a calm way, features stern and arms crossed. Disappointment in his voice that made everyone feel apologetic. 

"Either you own up now or there's punishments including no rec time at Melwood. Emre and Loris I know this had something to do with you," Željko says, "So own up." The two of them have a sudden unwavering interest in their eggs. Željko rubs his eyes, "Dom and Joe told me about the blackmail, which you're also in trouble for, so own up," he says. The two of them snicker into their coffee, shooting daggers at Dom and Joe who look shell shocked and scared. Maybe Joel should save them too. 

"It wasn’t us," they deny, shoving food in their mouths. Clever Joel thinks, say nothing so there's no evidence held against you. Joel wonders if they were professionals in secrecy and getting away with things. Maybe the two of them could be James Bond. 

"Don’t lie to me," Željko says, "I know they got you one, so what is it doing on the pool and when did it end up there. I want answers now." 

The two of them wave their forks around in indication that they couldn’t talk through all the food they'd stuffed down their throats. Joel feels for Željko, he really does. He couldn’t even threaten them with Jurgen because Kloppo would just laugh at Emre's antics, pat him on the shoulder, and tell Željko to go easy on the kid. Everyone knew Emre was Kloppo's fave and he didn’t hide it either. 

"I don’t have all day. Chew quickly," Željko says frustrated. 

"So hungry," Emre says, biting a piece of toast off. Željko is about to lose it.

"It was us," Joel looks across the room and sees Hendo with his arm in the air and a hand over his eyes. Adam looks furious. Joel thinks if this was a cartoon Adams eyes would be the equivalent of the fire emoji. Željko stops interrogating and Emre and Loris stop eating so fast. Everyone looks over in stunned silence. 

"You?" Željko asks in disbelief. 

"Yeah it was us, we asked for the floatie. Emre and Loris said they'd cover for us because they're great friends and people and we also got Joe and Dom to lie for us two." 

Adam's furious, " _"W_ _e?"_  doesn’t go amiss. 

Željko narrows his eyes, calling bullshit, "We aren't lying. We snuck out last night and um........sat on the float. It was sweet," he says smiling dorkily through a big grin. 

"Ewww they had sex on our floatie," Emre whispers to Loris, gagging. He pushes his plate away and puts a hand over his mouth. 

"You’re the captain Henderson," Željko says. The use of his full name didn’t go amiss to any of them and whatever giggles there were had died down. "I expected this from them," he says waving in Emre and Loris' direction who both grin like they aren't in deep enough shit and are being complimented instead of reprimanded, "I expected more Hendo we have rules." Joel knows Željko isn't an idiot but maybe he needs a break from Emre and Loris. He doesn’t blame him. 

"I know sir, it won't happen again, I promise," he says . 

Željko sighs, "Ok but I want that thing gone. I never want to see it again. You're both in trouble," he says. "This isn't to be forgotten at Melwood." 

"The saying is 'whatever happens in Marbella stays in Marbella'," Emre says proudly.

"That’s vegas Emre and you don’t want to test me boy." Emre has the audacity to flutter his lashes and pull his puppy eyes out. "Nothing is staying in Marbella. I know everything about all of you. You're all getting punished when we return." And with that he walks out. 

Joel turns back to his toast. He really does not want to know what the hell is going on with this water float, it was the bane of his existence. It had caused too much trouble already. 

All he wants is his breakfast. 

*

Later that day Dejan tells Joel that him and Ox bet on who Emre and Loris would blackmail into getting them something and Ox won. 

"Why do I need to know this?" He asks. 

"Dunno just making convo," Dejan tells him leaning back on the deck chair, "Team bonding and all that." 

"Yo Oxo tell Joel about the bet," he screams across the pool. 

"Oh yeah, I won," Ox says very smugly, walking over to them.

"I don’t care," Joel tells them, closing his eyes behind his sunglasses and leaning a hand behind his head on the chair. 

"Yo Hendo, why did you take the blame for them?" Andy screams across the pool. Joel opens his eyes and sees the two of them walking around the pool. The water float has disappeared, thank god Joel thinks, a small mercy in all this mess. Somehow everyone ends up gathered around Joel. Joel thinks the universe hates him. 

"Figured they're both in enough shit already with all the other crap they pull so.........and plus we did sneak out and sit on it so it's only fair," Hendo says.   

They all nod their heads in agreement. "Željko wanted to kill them," Virgil says in that deep drawl of his. Joel wonders how long it's going to be until he decided to do something too. This team was an expert at breaking innocence. Virgil is towering over them, he's blocking out Joel's sun. He needs the vitamin D. When Joel retires he's buying a small island, away from the craziness and he's going to sleep on time, plan a safe escape in case of a fire and ban inflatable water float's from his line of sight. It will be great. 

The lads nod their heads again, humming in agreement this time. Joel hums too because he will personally help if he gets the chance. It's then when said troublesome kids walk out of the building and towards them. "What yall gossiping about" Loris asks putting his arms around Andy and Gini. 

"You two," Gini provides laughing. 

"Honoured," Emre says sarcastically. "Why did you lie for us?"  

"To save Željko from combusting into flames from sheer frustration and you're both in so much crap from all the shit you’ve pulled I thought Željko needed a break from screaming at you two and gave him a chance to yell at someone new instead. I think it gets tiresome after the third time." 

They both smirk. "Thanks," Emre says. "and you're right, we are great people. Awesome in fact. People are jealous of us." 

If you don’t shut your mouth, I'm gonna dunk you in the pool," Hendo threatens. 

"Why'd you steal our floatie?" Loris asks them.

"Why'd you leave it in the pool?" Adam replies snarkliy. Loris narrows his eyes at him. 

"Whose hungry?" Joel's pipes up. Food always got them shut up no matter what time of day it was. They all nod and head to the exit. Jurgen said they could leave for half the day and Joel is going to take advantage of it, which is how he ends up babysitting 22 grown men in a restaurant in the middle of Spain. Loris and Emre take couple selfies, Hendo and Adam steal off each-others plates while Dom and Joe are quiet and innocent and normal and the rest of them chatter amongst themselves. 

Joel eats his damned food in peace and thinks about how he never signed up for such craziness when he signed for this club, but in the end, he found himself a bizarre family. 

He wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else and he wouldn’t have it any other way.  He looks across the table and shares a smile with Loris while the sun blazes down on them.  They were his dysfunctional, highly accepting, very noisy mess of a team and with them he found a home and people he could call his own.

Joel would deny that he loved them, with every bone he had in his body, but he did.

He really did. 

**Author's Note:**

> argghhhh ok if you got to the end i love you and thank you. this is just 9k words of family feels and banter but i enjoyed writing it so much. i just wanted to write team dynamics but i hope it was fun. 
> 
> i'm thinking of writing a team!training one, where they're just as bad and cheeky, tell me what you think.  
> Thanks so much for reading, feedback and concrit will be welcome. or simply screaming about anything will suffice :DD


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